Perfectionism

Some people think it's a gift when they see someone who appears to be perfect and have it all together.

Only you know it’s actually a thankless and impossible standard to hold yourself to.

The motivation towards perfection, rather than to reach perfection, is actually the avoidance of failure or of being rejected. Being a perfectionist is one way to cope with Impostor Syndrome, however it keeps one on the edge and always on guard for some imperfect sliver of self that may show itself, thereby rendering the person as an impostor. Not enough, not good enough, a failure. 

No matter what you achieve, the glory lasts for a minute and then you are right back to feeling like it wasn’t good enough. You weren’t good enough.

How does this show up in your adult life? 

As a perfectionist adult, you are never satisfied unless for example, you  feel you have completed a task perfectly, unless you have what you deem a “perfect body”, you’ve written the perfect copy. Secretly you compare yourself to others continually. You are  always looking for approval but it doesn’t really give much relief when you get it. 

To some extent, this can be a desirable trait, in that perfectionists tend to do a very good job with their work. But when it is excessive the individual feels tormented by the need to be perfect, doesn’t feel they have any control over it.  

How I Can Help:

Through the practice of EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Processing therapy, we are able to unlock unconscious connections to how this pattern started and why. And although it might have been a good solution as a young child, it is no longer adaptive for you, it doesn’t make sense anymore.

By processing the earlier motivations and experiences that might have left you feeling unloved or not good enough, you are now able to repair those limiting beliefs and develop healthier more realistic beliefs about yourself.

Although you may like trying to excel in different areas, now you can tolerate imperfection without it totally destroying your sense of self anymore. Now you can love and accept yourself and allow more of your “human nature” to show thru.

You can get to a place where you feel good enough, you feel like you are enough, just as you are.